Choose Happiness

            Date: October 10, 2019

Name: Roderick Smith            D.O.B: 11/20/2000           Gender: Male              SAT: 1310

ACT: 29                        School: University of Connecticut                    Major: Undecided

There are so many options that I can take but I don’t know where to go. One path leads this way and another path leads me in a completely different direction. I don’t know if I want to be happy with my life and have a good life, or if I want to have the money I need in order to live an even better life. School comes easy to me but it’s so hard for me to choose what path I want to take. The happier path shows me becoming a highschool english teacher, getting married in my mid-twenties and being settled with a family before I’m 30. The money path shows me becoming a doctor and still being in residency at 30, maybe married, no family yet, not settled down but I’m retired with more than enough money at 67. Its hard to choose where I want my life to take me.

Date: January 28, 2020

My motives are still unclear about what I want to do. I have always shown a strong affinity for both the arts and science. It is difficult for me to choose just one path to follow and take for the rest of my life. I don’t know which way I want to go and it drives me insane. I wish someone would make the choice for me and tell me what I have to do. Hopefully I can come to a conclusion soon.

Date: February 26, 2020

I’ve decided that I’m gonna try to follow the science path and see where it takes me. I’m not completely abandoning english but at the moment I don’t think it is my calling and right for me. I’ll be taking some hard classes in the coming years but I feel like I will be able to do it. All of these classes interest me and I have always wanted to do this since I was in 5th grade. That has to mean something doesn’t it. I mean it has to be a sign that this is what I’m meant to do. Unless  something drastic happens I don’t see myself changing the way I’m going to go.

Date: May 18, 2020

I’ve just finished my first year at school and everything has gone well especially considering this pandemic we were thrown into. Having to be home and also teaching myself in most of my classes wasn’t easy but it was doable. I hope this stuff ends soon so I can learn the ways I need to. I’m not a person that can learn online or teach myself and retain all of the important information.

There is still a small part of me that is wondering if I should’ve chosen to be a teacher instead. I know that I probably would’ve enjoyed it more and became a happier person during and even after school but I feel like it isn’t my calling, especially now. This pandemic has shown me even more that choosing a doctor was probably the right choice, I mean I want to help people and see them get better. Yeah, choosing the doctor was the right choice, why am I second guessing myself?

Date: October 15, 2020

            Okay, so I am halfway through the first semester of sophomore year and I don’t know how I feel about this. School has changed drastically and is completely different than how it was before. The virus has made school so much worse, most of my classes are online, I’m barely allowed to see anybody and the dining hall food has somehow gotten even worse than it already was. My classes haven’t gotten any more doable or enjoyable, I have to take organic chemistry and physics for the next two semesters. I’m hoping that I just have a slow start and that I will start to pick it up and like the class soon but I don’t know how that’s going to go. This whole pandemic has thrown me for a loop and taken me out from under my feet, hopefully I can land back soon so I can figure this all out.

Date: December 4, 2020

            First semester is basically over, all  I have left to do is finals and then the classes are done for now. This semester was something else let me tell you. I have been questioning my life completely. I have really been thrown into reality and starting to unravel what I want out of my life. I think I’m starting to get it because I’m questioning myself almost everyday about what it is I’m getting out of life and how I plan to structure the rest of my life.

            The past two weeks I have really been questioning what I want to do for the rest of my life. I don’t think I can continue on the path I’m on and become a doctor, but I feel like I’ll be a disappointment to everyone around me, especially my family who have such high hopes for me. I want to change everything and become a better, happier person and follow my path to becoming an english teacher. I don’t know how to tell anyone and open up about what I’m really feeling inside. I have a warzone in my mind that never ends, leading to no ceasefire soon but hopefully a decision to change can come soon.

Date: December 12, 2020

            So it has been a week and I have been freaking out almost everyday but I try to fill my days with mindless tasks like watching TV, or playing video games so that I would stop thinking about it just for a moment. This wasn’t getting any better for a couple of days but then I made a choice.

            I was trying to avoid the dreadful talk with my parents about changing my major for medical biology to a double major in english and teaching. This isn’t something I wanted to do but it is something that needed to happen and soon. I couldn’t go through another semester of science classes and labs and follow through with this facade anymore.

I talked to my mom first and explained to her what was happening and what is going to happen. To my surprise she took it very well and didn’t question me at all and she somewhat expected for something to change in my career choice. I guess moms really do know everything. We went over all the classes I would end up having to take and she helped me draft an email to my advisor but first I had to tell dad.

            Talking to my dad about this worried me even more because I didn’t want to disappoint him but I needed to do this. My mom had already told him so he knew what to expect the next time that I talked to him. I gave him the same rundown as mom, explaining that I believe that I will be a happier person following what I think is my path in life which was becoming a teacher. He understood and didn’t care in the slightest, giving the same response as my mom “I just want you to be happy.”